Getting Real and Moving On

Just got back from vacation. I had alot to say, so check out my style blog to hear all about that.

When we got back from vacation we both realized it was time to GET REAL. Here's my first Get Real blog. We are tackling everything that we have been carrying on our shoulders for the past year. We are cleaning up and moving on. We may have to leave what we have been comfortable with our whole lives, but that is not scary to us anymore. The book I read on vacation, The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, reached my heart in a way no book has ever done before. The author has ideas like me, and it was refreshing to know there is someone else out in the world that knows things as I do. Not everyone would understand the book in the same way I did, but I know that is true for many books. I must read more of his books. After reading the book, at first I was angry. I was angry because I have been waiting so long for my Personal Legend to come true. I was angry because Santiago (character in the book) struggled but then he got what the universe wanted him to get. I was angry because I wish the same for myself and the universe doesn't seem to be helping me out much. But.....then I thought about it and I figured out that I am still on my Personal Legend journey. This seems to be the longest journey EVER, but I guess that's the way it has to be. Thank you Carla for suggesting this book. I only hope that the universe is working with me.


More Get Real thoughts:
I did exactly what I wanted to do for my birthday and I was with the exact person I wanted to spend the day with. I went to Disney World with my husband. This was a milestone birthday, and I have had problems dealing with it. I know why, but the words I have to say about that will stay in my head....oh....and in my husband's ears. He understands how I feel and why, so we will keep it between ourselves.

I cancelled my Carnival B-Day party. I really just didn't feel like coming home from vacation and having to get so much done for the party. I plan parties for other people and they turn out great, but when it comes to my birthday, I think I am going to love planning it, organizing it, and doing everything for it, but I never really do. I have done well for myself in the past, but I ran out of steam for this birthday. I did what I wanted on my exact birthday, June 11th, and I really felt nothing could top that. I felt like planning this birthday, due to the milestone, was going to be like planning an "opposite" wedding day. In many weddings, someone else pays for it, other people make the decorations, put up the decorations, other people make the food, serve the food, other people make the cake, serve the cake, and other people clean up. I knew that in my birthday "wedding" scenario was going to be the opposite of that. I would be in charge of doing all that I listed, and it just didn't appeal to me. I've done it for other people and had no problems with that at all, but I just couldn't do it for myself this year. I don't feel like there's anything to celebrate. The day came and went. I did what I wanted to do and it's over. I thought birthdays were a big deal, but I guess they are losing their glamour to people.

Many things seem to be lost with the world now.
Everyone seems so concerned with their technological lives right now, that it is amazing to me. People are really addicted to their cell phones, text messaging, Facebook/Myspace/Twitter status and games, video games, photo sharing, etc. that it is truly sad to me. People have forgotten the things I think are so precious to the world. A true birthday wish is a phone call or a card. A thank you should come in the form of a verbal exchange through two people, or through a card. A true invitation to something big should come in the real mail, in paper form. Yes, I am guilty of caving in to using the tecnological things to the people that I can't reach any other way to say something briefly, but I am not guilty of using it to replace the once upon a time meaningful gestures of society. Am I just being old fashioned??? I do use technology on a day to day basis. I love technology, but I really feel people use it for things they shouldn't use it for. Think about this: Would you rather hear a true "I love you" from someone who is a part of your heart in an e-mail/text form, or through a phone or face to face exchange? I know at times this is not possible (ex./ husband's and loved ones in the army, navy, etc.). Even in that situation, I know that one would say they would rather hear a voice than see an e-mail.

I am thankful for the blog technology. But, even with this computer technology, nothing will ever replace my journals. I have kept journals since I could write. My Nani gave me my first journal, when I was first learning to write, and I have kept one going ever since. Some people in my past life found the journals and tried to keep me from writing in them, telling me that everything I wrote were just lies, but how can something you write in to get your feelings out be lies? No matter what anyone said, I continued to write. I hid them anywhere I could. I believe writing saved my life so many times. If I couldn't have gotten out some of my feelings, they would have gotten the best of me. I believe that is one of the reasons why I still write.
I still have every single journal I kept. I abandoned journaling for a few years. I abandoned writing when I first met my husband. I was so busy getting to know him, that I felt like writing was unimportant. I wish I would have written then. In the past year, I purchased another journal kept writing. I know that journaling will serve a function to something I will come across later in life. I wish that I could do this every day and it serve a purpose to someone other than myself.

The End.

--C

The Weight Has Been Lifted

I actually felt a little lighter walking into my house this afternoon. It literally felt like I was floating into my house a little bit.
As I said before, the next two months will be a "Go get em' tiger" kind of time, but I already have a head start. I am going to be sending out e-mails, applying for every kind of opportunity that I think fits me, I will send out letters, do whatever it takes. I have been doing this FOREVER, but Tommy said even if I don't hear anything, it doesn't hurt to try. Somebody is going to have to take a chance on me. I must prove that I can do anything. I thought some of my accomplishments thus far would have proven it by now, but apparently not. I have to really sell myself and put it all out there. Saturday, for some reason, I felt more confident that I have in a while. I think I may have been a little bit too confident that night, but oh well. I think I am getting the next wind I need. Monday was one of those days where you feel like everyone is looking at you but you don't know why. Ever had a day like that? I feel like I am going crazy when I have days like that, but I know it's not crazy. Maybe people are starting to catch on a little bit and I am turning the heads of those that didn't see me before. Tuesday, getting better. Then today....WHAM. I felt a little like the butterfly coming out of the cocoon. I did another audition today. I keep on truckin' but I am just not fitting the parts yet.

I wonder how Florida will respond to me. We shall see very soon. I love doing that....seeing how the different cities I visit respond to me. I love seeing how all the different types of people view me. I guess it's a mild form of research I do to see if I could reach all kinds of people.

I, hopefully will have more good things to report soon. I do know that I am happy about this month a little bit. Yes, my dreaded birthday is just around the corner, but the Carnival theme I came up with for the big night I think will be good. I will have a popcorn machine, a sno-cone machine, a huge inflatable princess chair for photo ops, a possible clown (he went to clown school so he has to be amazing), a limbo game, a balloon game, a bubble machine, and more. It should be fun for everyone. :) Everyone loves a Carnival.

The sun needs to shine upon me soon..........

It has stopped raining for a bit here in Louisville, KY. I put away my flower arrangement and Japanese umbrella last week, and put out flowers and crystals and amazingly, the rain stopped. The sun has been shining like crazy. We all need the sun right now. People come out of hiding and soak it all in. It seems to energize the human race. Yes, of course, we need sunscreen, but get a little bit of sun in every day. I have been getting it lately by driving in my new convertible. I really like this car. It's a little small compared to my Honda Element, but I'm getting used to it. It feels amazingly freeing to drive with nothing between my head and the sky. This Roadster is fast too. I have to be careful. This car is smart because it has came with a hard top to put on for the winter. But.....I will be a little sad to put that on. When it goes on, no more sun. :(

I really need this sun. I need the good warm weather to energize me and make me feel free and alive again. I will take these next two months in stride. I must find some answers over the next two months. The next two months must make it possible for me to enjoy the year's end. I have so many visions for he and I and our future. I have visions of us happy and surrounded by all the people and things we love. All my "BIG" cards have positive things upon them, but they don't tell me how to do the things I need to do. I have no clue where to go. Nothing is set in stone for the next two months. Well, vacation is. The East. What is there? How will it bring me the answers I need? I can't go back. I just can't. I never pictured it being my life long dream. It has me trapped right now and I must break free. It is exhausting. Truly, truly exhausting. I take deep breaths and look into the mirror daily.

Don't have a clue as to what I am talking about? It doesn't matter. I know what it all means. I know and He MUST know by now.

Pammie Peacock, you aren't the only one anymore.

Humphrey Go-Kart has been taking up some of my creative mind lately. He's a puppet I bought from Target. He has a brother too, Marlon Tango.
My mind has been spinning with ideas in the past 6 months. My mind seems to be working double time. All I want to do with these ideas is make people laugh and smile. I want to do it on a national level. I am testing out my ides, I call it, on the people in Louisville. Louisville really isn't responding to me. Kids and my family and friends are responding in a positive way, but strangers are confused by me I think. I think I may make people nervous or something. People in other cities and countries are responding a little more positive than the people of Louisville. Kevin Bacon thought I was funny in his contest I was a finalist in, so what now? I ask myself daily why God gave me all these ideas and creative talents? I know I am using my talents now, but not to their fullest extent. I feel at times that my talents are being taken advantage of, but I am sure many creative people feel that way at times.

I really am stunned in so many ways right now. I feel my confidence is crumbling. How do I get it back?

Yes I am.

I really thought things over today. I still continue to think. I am a star. I know it. I keep hitting bumps in the road and I am trying to figure out if the bumps are just bumps or road signs telling me to go back the other way. I am wondering if it's His way of challenging me...trying to see if I really want this all. I do. I think He is throwing things at me trying to see if I speak the truth when I say what I want. I asked ...didn't you see me the other day? I was on top of the world for a moment and it made that day so good.

I figured out the meaning of S.T.A.R. for me just now. Everyone has their own definition of what a star is. Some think it just means you are a famous person and some think it means you are really special. I think star for me means Super Talented American Redhead. I just came up with that. It just hit me in 10 seconds when I thought of what each letter of the word meant for me. Little moments have hit me lately...you know, the moments of feeling magical. I felt like the magic was gone the other day, then I realized it was just because I was being too busy with the ice/snow storm. The magic is still there. I pray that my shine doesn't wear off. I need to continue on...........

Pammie....oh Pammie. She's there, but some people don't want to see her right now. They are too concerned in their own things, worries, busy lives to believe in her. That makes me a little sad, but there are some of you out there who continue to remember her every day and help keep her going. Thanks to you lovely believers. :)

Oh...my HGTV episode of That's Clever finally aired on Feb 3rd! Yeah! Here's the links to see the two segments on YouTube:

Beaded Balls:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zx8s3Wczq_I
Shibori:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zs2OSHxlc7s

Busy as a little bee!

Pammie is really, really a busy girl right now! But...she is getting more story ideas! Pammie just got her snow! It turned out to be a really bad snow and ice storm that hurt a lot of trees and people. Louisville, KY looks a little like a war zone right now. Oh...but when the sun came out and hit the icy trees, they looked like silver tinsel trees. They sparkled and it seemed as if they were all made out of Swarovski crystals. Beautiful.

Pammie is now officially alive. I painted her on a rainbarrel that will be given to Edge Outreach for their I Thirst for Art auction in March. She looks so pretty!

I am still working on a official home for her. Patience right?

Peacocks for the new year!

Well, I will be taking Pammie into the new year. She will be absolutely fabulous in 2009! She received some new friends in December, some of which need to be named still. The ones that were named were wonderful and inspiring!
I received many Peacock things for Christmas. My favorite peacock item so far is my peacock notepaper. It's so pretty! I love writing little notes, so the pretty paper makes it always fun!

I just want to wish everyone a happy start to the new year. For me, 2008 was a year of realization on many levels. There were great times and not so great times, as every year brings that. No matter what, we should all remember that things get bad sometimes, but they always get better. I will spend this final night of 2008 remembering the bad and the good, but will be leaving the bad in the past. That's what we have to do sometimes to prepare ourselves for the really good that is about to come. Again, we just have to be patient for those really good things!

My hopes for 2009 is a year of good beginnings. I wish the best to my peeps!
Peeps remember: Peacocks rock the flock!